this scar

I've been wanting to write a song about my journey through life with scoliosis (curvature of the spine) for so long. After watching so many beautiful original storytelling songs this weekend at the CCMA week (canadian country music week in Winnipeg, MB) these lyrics starting pouring into my head. It's still in the first draft stages, but here it is.

this scar,
tells a story
and it always reminds me
of where i've been

this scar,
runs from the nape of my neck
down to the small of my back
and it's part of who i am

after nine long hours
of blood, sweat and tears,
my mama and my daddy
and a hundred prayers
i'm standing here
i'm standing here, with

this scar
it represents my life
and a good old fashioned fight
with the willingness to survive
this scar
says it's okay to be scared
as long as you're prepared
to learn how strong you are
this scar

this scar
taught me a lesson
that i won't be forgetting
anytime soon
this scar
is turning eight years old
and it seems so long ago
that i was counting down the days to

nine long hours
of blood, sweat and tears,
my family and my friends
and a hundred prayers
i'm standing here
i'm standing here

this scar
represents my life
and a good old fashion fight
with the willingness to survive
this scar
says it's okay to be scared
as long as you're prepared
to learn just how strong you really are
this scar

rough couple of weeks

So I can't quite help but wonder if there is a jinx on me these past couple of weeks. A few weeks ago it all started when I went to the dentist for my yearly check up. I left in tears, after my dentist coldly told me I needed six fillings, a root canal, two crowns, my wisdom teeth extracted, and veneers for my front bottom three teeth (yes I only have three, unlike most people with four). It was going to cost me roughly $5,000!! Do I look like the kind of person who can just drop that kind of cash on their teeth? I don't think so. I don't know why I took it so hard (my period was just around the corner which may have lent my emotions a little push) but I had to go home afterwards because I was SO upset. I cried, cried, CRIED all night. I was housesitting for my folks, and taking care of their dog, and my own. Jered was in Ontario for one of his longest stretches of touring.

I decided that night to get a second opinion the next week. Two days later while having dinner with my girlfriend Erica, my parent's dog Bailey was crying at the bottom of the stairs. I went down to see what was wrong and her back legs were all splayed out behind her at awkward angles. To make a ridiculously long story short, I spent the night at the emergency vet. The emergency vet told me that without an emergency CT scan & back surgery in Calgary that very night I would probably have to put Bailey down by the morning. This is my childhood dog, that has been around for 13 years of my life (over half of my existence) so I prayed and prayed that I wouldn't have to put her down. A call at 1am (I couldn't sleep anyways) told me I could come get her to transfer Bailey to her own vet the next morning @ 7:30am. So over the next few days Bailey was stable in her paralyzed condition and finally I got to bring her home to my folks place Friday after lunch. The next three days consisted of me taking her out every hour to let her pee (she couldn't use her back legs) and giving her meds every couple hours.

So the next week I went to my 2nd opinion dentist, and thankfully they told me I didn't need HALF the work the first dentist recommended. *SIGH OF RELIEF* I was very happy to say the least. After all the stress of that week I got a really bad cough & sore throat. I was panicking trying to get better by the weekend because I had three shows scheduled, opening for Winnipeg Folk Artist Kerri Woelke. These shows had been booked for at least 4 months and I was really looking forward to them.

THEN to my dismay, I got an email Friday morning from the promoter who had booked the series of shows with Kerri, saying she had to cancel last minute because of laryngitis. So I decided to still have the Friday night show at Axis Cafe. I love playing there, and usually bring in a huge crowd. Unfortunately due to the long weekend & Kerri's last minute cancellation there weren't too many people there. We had a blast playing, and my most loyal friends came out to watch, but I couldn't help but feel like I had let Axis down. Since we had such a poor turnout Friday night I decided to just cancel Saturday's show and not waste Axis's time and staff.
Sunday's show ended up being a pretty great success, lots of people came out and we had a REALLY great time playing. Sold a bunch of cds.

After feeling like I was totally over my cough on the weekend, I woke up Tuesday morning with a WICKED sinus cold/infection. I RARELY get sick, but ever since I started working at the hospital I have caught everything that's been going around. I suffered through yesterday at work and I'm feeling much better today. BUT this morning I had my first dental appt of 3, and they did two fillings. Turns out one of those fillings would have served me better as a root canal, but we decided to go ahead with the filling and see how I do. So now I'm on an antibiotic and painkillers. I'm sitting at work with a VERY frozen face, trying to eat and drink and spilling and drooling all over myself.

So tomorrow I have the day off and I'm off to the Canadian Country Music Week in Winnipeg. I'm very excited about it and hoping that my luck starts to turn around a bit. I feel like one more negative thing and I'll shatter into pathetic little pieces. *SIGH*