up and down

it has been a weird day.
the day started off with a feeling of accomplishment and elation, because after months of pouring my heart and soul into my personal music project grant application for the alberta foundation for the arts, i was finally finished and handed it in 3 days early of the deadline. i have also been working on a music therapy project grant for the hospital i work for, so i dropped that off also. the afa office is just a few blocks from home so i drove to work bopping to the radio feeling a great sense of hope that maybe i will get a grant, and be able to record a full length album this winter.

then i got to work, and sipped on my chai latte and checked my emails. i was really looking forward to a weekend full of shows. i was supposed to be opening for a winnipeg folk artist named kerri woelke fri, sat AND sun night. maybe it's a little silly but i was feeling good about three consecutive shows because i haven't ever had that. and i was looking forward to meeting a more experienced singer/songwriter and having her listen to my set. anyways one of my emails came from rob, a local concert promoter who had set the series of shows with kerri up. the email said kerri wasn't coming. she has been struggling with vocal health problems and had to cancel. well, isn't that lovely? nothing like last minute notice.

so it's almost time to go home, and get ready for tonight's show but i'm not even sure if i'm still playing. i have been promoting these shows for months, so i'm sure some friends & family of mine are coming but just for a one set show, just me? not that that's a problem, just i HATE being unorganized.

throughout the day i've felt excited and anxious about the cmt songwriting contest, a little lost and confused about what's going to happen with these shows this weekend now that we have no headliner, then i start thinking about next week and the ccma weekend in winnipeg. i'm such a rollercoaster of conflicting emotions!

the weekend will fly by, as will next week and suddenly i'll be in winnipeg. by this time next week i'll be sitting in some songwriter's session. hopefully i'll have control of my up and down emotions by then?

signed, your broken heart

*this is a song i recently wrote with my friend casadie jo pederson
www.myspace.com/casadiejpederson

i'm gonna put pen to paper
sit down and write a letter
that won't be easy to read

it's been two months
and a couple days
since my whole world was changed
when he walked away, from me

with just a single phone call
who knew that he would end it all
and leave me here alone to cry

too many tears, and too much pain
makes me wanna fly away
and just forget he said goodbye

it's time to pick up the pieces
off the hardwood floor
put them back together
even stronger than before
it's not gonna be easy
i know it's gonna be hard
but i'm ready when you are,
signed, your broken heart

i'm gonna forget the heartache
every stupid mistake
he brought along for the ride

no more cheating lies
i'm gonna dry these eyes
and find somebody who can
heal me on the inside

and pick up the pieces
off the hardwood floor
put them back together
even stronger than before
it's not gonna be easy
i know it's gonna be hard
but i'm ready when you are
signed, your broken heart