gypsy

*this is a song i started writing a long time ago, but forgot about until recently it popped into my head along with some new lyrics. it's still not finished but here's what i have so far.

verse
she's got her clothes
in a garbage bag
in the corner of her room
so she can get on up & go
when she needs to
she's been running for so long
she doesn't know where to run to

verse two
no place of her own
just a history
of barely getting by
a couple friends
on down the road
put her up for the night
but she's so
she's so tired

chorus
she's a gypsy
and she's lonely
she's got her bangles & her bells
and the stories that she tells
to me

she's a gypsy
lost & empty
she's a wounded soul
but she's beautiful
to me

last breath

verse one
if i knew that tomorrow would be
the last day of my life
i would sacrifice anything
just to see you one last time

if i had to choose
between living with you
and the kiss of death
i'd say i love you, i love you, i love you
with my last breath

chorus
i would die for you
if you only ask me to
we both know i would die anyway
if you ever left
crying i love you, i love you, i love you
with my last breath

verse two
i would walk across a fire for you
i would stand out in the pouring rain
i'd do anything i had to do just
to be with you again
if i could only hand you this bleeding heart
from within my chest
i'd say i love you, i love you, i love you
with my last breath

chorus
i would die for you
if you only ask me to
we both know i would die anyway
if you ever left
crying i love you, i love you, i love you
with my last breath

bridge
i can't breathe without you near me
everytime you leave i'm in agony
you're everything i want
you're everything i'll ever need

chorus
i would die for you
if you only ask me to
we both know i would die anyway
if you ever left
crying i love you, i love you, i love you
i love you, i love you i do
i'm dying to love you and love you and love you
with my last breath

new song...

I've been working these lyrics around in my head for a few days, I still need a 2nd verse but here goes so far.

verse
how, did you get yourself into this mess and
why, are you giving in to the darkness and
when, will you give it all a rest, give it a rest

what, ever happened to just keeping your chin up
when did you become the type
to give barely enough
you're giving barely enough
i think you're giving up

chorus
you're slowly going under
and all i can do is sit & wait
i thought you would fight so much harder
and i'm beginning to lose a little faith

bridge
there's only so much
you can blame on your past
why don't you pick yourself up
dust yourself off
and take your life into your own two hands

chorus
cause you're slowly going under
and all i can do is sit & wait
i thought you would fight so much harder
and i'm beginning to lose a little faith
i'm beginning to lose a little faith

today like most days (i miss you)

*I wrote this song for my Annelise.

verse one
well it's always hard to say
good bye on your last day
when you're driving away
from me

and there's never enough time
oh for you and i
cause there's so many other people
you need to see

pre chorus
well a couple of letters
and a couple of calls
i guess that's better
than nothing at all
still i wish,
i wish that you would stay

chorus
cause today, like most days
i miss you
and today, like most days
i try not to
i've been fighting just to make
my way through
but today, like most days
i miss you

verse two
well it hasn't been the same
since you up and moved away
and left me here to stay
all alone

no matter what i do
there's no replacing you
so I keep counting down the days
till you come home

prechorus
well a couple of letters
and a couple of calls
i guess that's better
than nothing at all
still i wish,
i wish that you would stay

chorus
cause today, like most days
i miss you
and today, like most days
i try not to
i've been fighting just to make
my way through
but today, like most days
i miss you

restless

*i wrote this song this weekend with my good friend casadie pederson, out on a pretty farm in myrnam, ab - this song is a perfect description of how i've been feeling these days!! - restless!*

walking down the same old road
and the only thing i know
is where i've been
and where i wanna go

i've been singing the same old lines
wondering if i'm wasting time
running in circles
and going out of my mind

i've been waiting
for something
to happen
for this waiting to end

i'm restless
feeling helpless
i'm ready to run
and i'm ready to fly
i'm holding my breath
and i'm closing my eyes

i'm speechless
with all my weakness
i'm taking a leap of faith
and i'm on my way

i'm leaving it all behind
for a worn out stage
and a spotlight
i've been dragging my feet for too long
and it ends tonight

i've been waiting
for something
for anything
for this waiting to end

i'm restless
feeling helpless
i'm ready to run
and i'm ready to fly
i'm holding my breath
and i'm closing my eyes

i'm speechless
with all my weakness
i'm taking a leap of faith
and i'm on my way

this scar

I've been wanting to write a song about my journey through life with scoliosis (curvature of the spine) for so long. After watching so many beautiful original storytelling songs this weekend at the CCMA week (canadian country music week in Winnipeg, MB) these lyrics starting pouring into my head. It's still in the first draft stages, but here it is.

this scar,
tells a story
and it always reminds me
of where i've been

this scar,
runs from the nape of my neck
down to the small of my back
and it's part of who i am

after nine long hours
of blood, sweat and tears,
my mama and my daddy
and a hundred prayers
i'm standing here
i'm standing here, with

this scar
it represents my life
and a good old fashioned fight
with the willingness to survive
this scar
says it's okay to be scared
as long as you're prepared
to learn how strong you are
this scar

this scar
taught me a lesson
that i won't be forgetting
anytime soon
this scar
is turning eight years old
and it seems so long ago
that i was counting down the days to

nine long hours
of blood, sweat and tears,
my family and my friends
and a hundred prayers
i'm standing here
i'm standing here

this scar
represents my life
and a good old fashion fight
with the willingness to survive
this scar
says it's okay to be scared
as long as you're prepared
to learn just how strong you really are
this scar

rough couple of weeks

So I can't quite help but wonder if there is a jinx on me these past couple of weeks. A few weeks ago it all started when I went to the dentist for my yearly check up. I left in tears, after my dentist coldly told me I needed six fillings, a root canal, two crowns, my wisdom teeth extracted, and veneers for my front bottom three teeth (yes I only have three, unlike most people with four). It was going to cost me roughly $5,000!! Do I look like the kind of person who can just drop that kind of cash on their teeth? I don't think so. I don't know why I took it so hard (my period was just around the corner which may have lent my emotions a little push) but I had to go home afterwards because I was SO upset. I cried, cried, CRIED all night. I was housesitting for my folks, and taking care of their dog, and my own. Jered was in Ontario for one of his longest stretches of touring.

I decided that night to get a second opinion the next week. Two days later while having dinner with my girlfriend Erica, my parent's dog Bailey was crying at the bottom of the stairs. I went down to see what was wrong and her back legs were all splayed out behind her at awkward angles. To make a ridiculously long story short, I spent the night at the emergency vet. The emergency vet told me that without an emergency CT scan & back surgery in Calgary that very night I would probably have to put Bailey down by the morning. This is my childhood dog, that has been around for 13 years of my life (over half of my existence) so I prayed and prayed that I wouldn't have to put her down. A call at 1am (I couldn't sleep anyways) told me I could come get her to transfer Bailey to her own vet the next morning @ 7:30am. So over the next few days Bailey was stable in her paralyzed condition and finally I got to bring her home to my folks place Friday after lunch. The next three days consisted of me taking her out every hour to let her pee (she couldn't use her back legs) and giving her meds every couple hours.

So the next week I went to my 2nd opinion dentist, and thankfully they told me I didn't need HALF the work the first dentist recommended. *SIGH OF RELIEF* I was very happy to say the least. After all the stress of that week I got a really bad cough & sore throat. I was panicking trying to get better by the weekend because I had three shows scheduled, opening for Winnipeg Folk Artist Kerri Woelke. These shows had been booked for at least 4 months and I was really looking forward to them.

THEN to my dismay, I got an email Friday morning from the promoter who had booked the series of shows with Kerri, saying she had to cancel last minute because of laryngitis. So I decided to still have the Friday night show at Axis Cafe. I love playing there, and usually bring in a huge crowd. Unfortunately due to the long weekend & Kerri's last minute cancellation there weren't too many people there. We had a blast playing, and my most loyal friends came out to watch, but I couldn't help but feel like I had let Axis down. Since we had such a poor turnout Friday night I decided to just cancel Saturday's show and not waste Axis's time and staff.
Sunday's show ended up being a pretty great success, lots of people came out and we had a REALLY great time playing. Sold a bunch of cds.

After feeling like I was totally over my cough on the weekend, I woke up Tuesday morning with a WICKED sinus cold/infection. I RARELY get sick, but ever since I started working at the hospital I have caught everything that's been going around. I suffered through yesterday at work and I'm feeling much better today. BUT this morning I had my first dental appt of 3, and they did two fillings. Turns out one of those fillings would have served me better as a root canal, but we decided to go ahead with the filling and see how I do. So now I'm on an antibiotic and painkillers. I'm sitting at work with a VERY frozen face, trying to eat and drink and spilling and drooling all over myself.

So tomorrow I have the day off and I'm off to the Canadian Country Music Week in Winnipeg. I'm very excited about it and hoping that my luck starts to turn around a bit. I feel like one more negative thing and I'll shatter into pathetic little pieces. *SIGH*